Bipolar haircut

Yep I chopped off my hair. I've been saying i was gonna do that for the last year and a half and yesterday I told my hairdresser I wanted it up to my shoulders. Now, I know for some people thats not short but I'm not Some people. I've had hair that almost reached my butt for pretty much my entire existence.
I loved it and then when I got home and looked in the mirror I almost broke down crying. My face jsut looks so round and the rest of me so bloated and fat, I think it looks kinda like a mullet and I just can't stand anything about me. So i binged. And that same little voice came back and screamed 'eat you fat worthless bitch,eat' and stuffed food down my thoate till it was too painful to keep shoving it down. And my mum came home and I couldn't purge and so for the last day and a half I've binged. Everyother hour I hate my hair and every hour inbetween I'm in awh that I had the guts to cut it all off. 4-6 months till i get my hair back

found a new way to fly . :)

Hello my name is Fattie

my stomach is full and it feels disgusting.
Please make it end.
Fasting for the 1st time tomorrow since I started going to the clinic wish me luck.

Intake:
4 pieces of bread (200)
2 slices pizza
1 bannana w/ almond butter
almond milk
pretzels

a fabulous idea

lets go back to the days where I hardly ate
where i would loose weight
where i was on track to beautiful
yes
lets


p.s want a belly ring
if I can hit 115 I'm going to have my friends (love the Crazies)  to peirce it for me

La Vida Mia !!!!

this is my disease
this is what
has infected my bones
worked through
my teeth
my bones
my brain
so they tell me
all i can believe is me
because thats all i have
is this mess
i call 'me'
the person you should see
instead of my disease
I have
two arms
and legs
a head
so i'm Bulimic?
last i cheked i was Human
do i
disscust you?
people
stare
talk shit
fight
harm
each other
and that
is ok
but me
being'me'
is not?
Darling i am human
deal with it

Gotta Be Stronger

Hi Pretties!

So along with my new goal comes another goal 

to get totally toaned and strong 

I've shifted my focus from pro dancers (which, with any mirical is what I aim to be) to looking at gymnasts. These girls are thin and have a rediculous amount of uper body and core strength,they also have some really great extentions. I'm considering asking for a tumbling class instead of ballet is that a good idea? 

I'm not to sure, I don't want to be learning cartwheels with the 5yr olds (or ballet for that matter :/ ) 

Loves you's! <3

I'm so sick of 'being better'

I hate
"Recovery"
everyone thinks I'm 'doing better' whatever that means to them. My heart is stable and going up and I've eaten things that I, at a point in my life would never ever touch EVER.
I feel like I'm loosing me and thats not what should be happening I should be loosing weight.
I found a picture from about two years ago, at my lowest weight point. My face isn't clear and my eyes are tired,I have less cheek and less fat but over all I look like shit.
Soooo the plan:
(Oh and I haven't purged since november and I haven't had a gigantic binge in a long time so for tht I am happy because B/P makes me gain ALOT)

No cheese
No chocolate (<---- not even sure why i would eat either of these???)
no ice cream (EVER!)
Only two slices of bread a day or 3 tortilas (which comes out to 150, 50 cals each)
There will be at least 2 fruits or veggies with every meal and water or tea

My goal is to loose 40 pounds
thats what it's been and now I WANT IT