Nobody Not Them

My body is too heavy and dumb,it cannot do the dance my mind wants it to. It is sick . There is a voice inside of me screaming 'give up,just stop,nothing is getting better,stop you are nobody''
i am nobody .
i am nobody .
i am nobody.
there is another voice,it is smaller.Telling me to breath,to fight and take a step back then take two steps forward and look around.it tells me 'your not there yet,keep going,keep dancing,your going to be amazing one day, your nobody so become somebody'
who do you listen to?the booming voice or the tinny whisper?
i think of my mom.
she told me she wanted to be a ballerina. my grandparents of course didn't care enough and didn't have enough money. she doesn't want me to become hard and bitter and guarded,she wants me to dance. I look into her eyes and see the longing i know it is there because i see it. And i wish i could never want anything again but i wish and i dream. I saw the dancers at my school do their solos. My mom is always saying that some dancers -even on the high school team which is the best one around- aren't very good
'she looks like her feet are made out of cement!,she has no grace'
I saw the dancers and they all looked the SAME ,they could all exicute the same fancy flips and turns but that was all. There was no life in them,they were little wire robots. I saw one of the girls that everyone thinks is one of the best dancers this time i REALLY saw her -i think i actually SAW all of them this time- she was stiff,and thin with cement-block feet as she flipped around the stage and turned like a hurricane. I saw them and was very happy i wasn't them.