i never recomend recover to anyone, even though i've leaned into it so many times.Good for you if u have,i just now i would never be happy like that,i was forced to 'recover' without knowing it because i didn't think i had an ED but i guess after a while i self-dignost. I haven't purged in like a week but i've binged like crazy,i'm sure i've gained a million pounds now. I need to loose it. I have to there is no other options. My boy is visiting on the 23 and quite frankly i'm afraid of that. I kinda just want to ask him for some space right now because i feel like such a faliure and fatass( i wouldn't say that though,even though he knows i purge,i know he doesnt understand,his little-boy-brain cannot fathom such things). Maybe it was dumb of me but i know he liked me because my hair was down,i wasn't wearing baggy,dirty clothes and i'd lost a considerable amout of weight and now im scared..... he says he loves me because i was nice to him. Thats also cause hes never had to deal with the bitch MIA brings out of me.
My dad wants me to be perfect too. he made me cry again today.
i need to be THE BEST
otherwise somethings wrong with me. It's like i'm defective otherwise. I'm not eating tomorrow and then i wille at very little monday and tuesday and for the rest of the week. My long term goal is now 99 pounds. Last time i checked i was at 136 (before that a few monthes ago it was 147) i'm sure its back in the 140's now and i hate that. I need this so bad.....
i almost told my new shrink but i know i can't! i know i NEED TO DO THIS . i belong with all of you i cannot have anything else i would go crazy if they wouldnt let me purge or count or exercise or see my beloved thinspo and keep my Goal book
i just,i want to cry everytime i see that fat girl in the mirror....
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