Have you ever heard the saying 'You know its official when you face book it'? well in my case its true. Just yesterday i blocked my ex-best friend. I must say it makes not being her friend that much easier.
I'm realizing which friends are truly my friends one of the only bad things is that two of my good friends is going to a different high school than me. This must be fixed emidiatly i'm not even kidding,bring in the machien guns because i'm about to go ninja on them! (school choice people). No one step worse i'm gonna go kick-ass latina women on them (and if you've never delt with an angry latin women than lucky you,you've saved yourself from a very large therapy bill);I'm serious though this ALWAYS happens to me i get taken away (or they do) from things and people that i care about and who actually care about me. My other friends (well most of them) made it in. I'm excited for the fresh start,i think i need it .

Done,Done and Don't Care (at least thats what i tell myself)

So right now everything is just so messed up,all i can truly say is that i still hate love and now i offically can't stand sweet-talkers. Yes once again this is over a G.U.Y. they should be classified as a different species or better yet a piece of machinery.This way they'd come with an instruction manuel that i'm sure every girl in the nation would be willing to memorize. Long-f***ing messed up-story short, he flirted i flirted back i liked him and he apparently had his eyes on someone else. Love stinks boo hoo hoo. My lack of enthusiasm comes from the fact that i'm honestly starting to not care about that kind of stuff anymore,i mean sure it  hurt but whatever. A great man once said 'if you feel pain it means your still alive,so keep running Echo!'
If you'd asked me about six months ago about any of this kind of stuff I'd probably whine,pretend to pout and get very upset like i actually care. That attitude and faking is slowly,but surley and definetly peeling away. I'm also trying to love myself which is something i still have an insanely hard time doing. Although on the other hand i'm trying to reason with myself,maybe i did have a bit of an eating disorder. I was going to put something on here about that,but i'm not ready for that,not yet.

So my birthday passed about two weeks ago (clap clap i'm now 14)  and it was on a weekend,all i got from my best friend was a facebook happy birthday,not even a hug and a smile (which is what i really love from my friends). I come back to school,its a good monday,you know those good hair-my toast didn't burn-and i actually woke up to my alarm and felt good about it-modays? And i'm just thinking maybe my life doesn't totally blow,i'm 14 now! and i say 'hi' and go to hug her.She blows me off. I'm cool and i joke around about it and she EX-PLODES! everyone entering the math class must have heard her she was that loud. In my head i'm thinking 'what did i do wrong' and then my other friend just turns to me 'its ok Echo she's just a bitch.' and then i realize that its not me it's her. There is nothing wrong with me and i don't have to put up with someone and be their punching bag when shes not even there for me . Needless to say my non-burnt-toast day was ruined and i was practically fuming. I am done. I said it then and i meant it. It seems childish (idk who im talking to since i have no followers) to say that someone is not your friend anymore but thats what i did and i haven't spoken to her since. I'm afraid if i do i'll give in and the vicious cycle will continue. A friend of mine is a much better friend than i thought , it was just one of those ' hey u,you know what? this chica has my back ' kinda moments. I love her guts officially now. My ex-bff practically threatened her she was just like 'so i here you have a new friend' and my awesome friend just emphasizes that we've BEEN friends FYI and that she was totally aware of our situation and wasn't the least bit intimidated. My friends also told me that she's acting pretty b**chy to them lately. Deep down (most likely very deep) she's still a sweet person that i still absolutly love, saying that i was done with her was a very hard and painful discion for me.But for now,i'm just building my own life back up again.Music continues to be my everything,more about that later
-Echo

Nobody Not Them

My body is too heavy and dumb,it cannot do the dance my mind wants it to. It is sick . There is a voice inside of me screaming 'give up,just stop,nothing is getting better,stop you are nobody''
i am nobody .
i am nobody .
i am nobody.
there is another voice,it is smaller.Telling me to breath,to fight and take a step back then take two steps forward and look around.it tells me 'your not there yet,keep going,keep dancing,your going to be amazing one day, your nobody so become somebody'
who do you listen to?the booming voice or the tinny whisper?
i think of my mom.
she told me she wanted to be a ballerina. my grandparents of course didn't care enough and didn't have enough money. she doesn't want me to become hard and bitter and guarded,she wants me to dance. I look into her eyes and see the longing i know it is there because i see it. And i wish i could never want anything again but i wish and i dream. I saw the dancers at my school do their solos. My mom is always saying that some dancers -even on the high school team which is the best one around- aren't very good
'she looks like her feet are made out of cement!,she has no grace'
I saw the dancers and they all looked the SAME ,they could all exicute the same fancy flips and turns but that was all. There was no life in them,they were little wire robots. I saw one of the girls that everyone thinks is one of the best dancers this time i REALLY saw her -i think i actually SAW all of them this time- she was stiff,and thin with cement-block feet as she flipped around the stage and turned like a hurricane. I saw them and was very happy i wasn't them.

My room is a place where i can leave,the screaming,the smells of cooked meat (im a pescaterian) and anything else. But lately it feels like everything in it belongs to someone..just not well,me.
Grarg so lately i haven't been in contact with my 'best' friend . And she sits three feet away from me for a whole hour. And i've just noticed now that she only ever really complains to me,i'm her punching bag. I'm most peoples punching bags,therapists,mom,sister,or anything else that they're dependant on. So know that her and her boyfriend are totally and completely bissful i haven't even had a 'hello' from her. Lucky guy i might add,she hasn't so much uttered a sentence about him to me,which means he hasn't been slammed to a million pieces by a alleged 'loved one' . What drives me nutts is when people swoop in when things get bad for some1 but won't stand by them while its happening. Yes,i'm talking about another friend(s) . This one is trying to keep it real,like me i guess. So i've left Bubble land and have started sitting w/ her again at lunch and during the day. I must admitt for some reason everything seems more...real. Poor mija is dealing w/ issues of the heart . My own seem just fine right now but the thing is she's always the one to back down and let a guy go and i honestly think its her turn. Thats one of the faults with trying to keep yourself real,there's definetly a lot more pain.

Smile

Behind a smile a girl can hide:
her bruises
Pain
And lies
A smile and everyone thinks i'm ok
A girlish wave and they think it's a good day
Only they miss the pain its causing me
To set my mouth that way
To stretch my skin and display:
A row of ivory teeth
all perfectly straight
A glance won't tell you anything at all
Especially me
When i smile
thats all
It's my glossy lips
Stretched out in a cresent
and my ivory teeth beared for too long of a second
I'm happiest all to myself
My smile tucked away
For nobody else
-More words from your girl Echo
Here me out and hope to understand me .

Black Butterflies

I like the way
you touch me
your not afraid of me
like all the others
I don't know what part of me you see
I just hope you share the good feeling
that i feel
the same little butterflies
small enough that i can still look you in the face
Fast enough that they tickle apart of me
that i put away
My butterflies are black
there's no hope for me
Because i'm the Queen of Cold
They're black because i refuse to surrender
Still,
I like the way you hold me
and make the butterflies dance
a little forbidden dance
Hold me tight
As i fight
the erg
to say something i know i will regret
I hope you're smart enough to guess
And know that the black butterflies are free
But you still haven't melted me
completely
Don't try to keep them in a jar
But in your heart
Yes they are butterflies
But they're black all the same

Like?LOVe?all of the above?

i don't believe in love. its as simple as that,i don't believe in that whole i-was-meant-4-u-4ever thing,maybe like 30 years ago it would have worked but not these day. I HAVE liked people before,a lot i might add but thats beyond the POINT. My point is how do u know if a guy likes u?and why can't they just go on and SAY It!!??!?!
when guys drop hints i play dumb to see how long it takes them to be direct. Now before you think that sounds cruel look at it logically u should be able to tell a person you like/love them just as much as you can show it . On a basis it takes them anywhere between 2-11 months.Men. Need i say more?
Exactly,if men knew how hard it was being a girl they'd pop up and give us all a bigger standing ovation than an academy award winner! but considering they are the less intelligent bread of human beans (ha!i just decided that when ppl start reading this i'll call them human beans!). Wish me luck in life as i try 2 desifer and not offend as many ppl as possible (unless i want 2 THEN i get a standing ovation!)
ur gurl,keeping it real
-Echo