reasons y i shouldn't purge everything i just ate

i've gone without purging since may
acid comes up
its not good 4 me
ive been eating less ,if i purge i'll binge
i'm working hard,everyones so proud about my brilliant progress (those that know )
its risky and often uncontrolable
i'm strong enough to not purge ,i'm strong enough to restrict and count acordingly and not get caught

Waterpolo started yesterday,the girls on the team aren't super skinny so i don't feel awkward other than the fact that they're older than me . I am the only freshman and the slowest,newest addition 2 my schools ladies water polo team . I hate feeling slow ,i hate how i can't keep up with them ,but i'm doing my best and im getting better everyday . They're all super nice about it. It's a killer arm work out like no joke. I looove sports so much and i think i could eventually be pretty good at this one . 

There where some inqueries on how i make my smoothies ,the trick is FROZEN FRUIT ,it makes the consistency like ice cream and it actually gts rid of some of those bad binge cravings . It makes u eat super healthy and you can sneack spinache in there (i can't even taste it but it turns the color different),it also keeps u full longer.

i  usually do 

a banana 

frozen strawberries

acia berry superfood juice

nectarien 

*spinache or green superfood powder (if i have it) 

and that lasts 4 2 meals ,obviously i kinda high natural sugar content but no fat no carbs which i think is a pretty sweet deal .

Other random news will b l8er stay pretty huns !

everyday holds the potencial for beauty ,good luck ladies we can do this

Babies ,Boys, and Menu's

To start off let me just stop myself from appoligizing for rambling ,it's my blog right? :P (haha,yea ok i'm just a lil bit crazy) . All news continues , my cousin had her baby . The actual baby is darling ,you can already tell she's gonna be totally gorgeous (poor daddy) . My poor cousin on the other had ,looks tired and then there's the baby weight. My aunt swears our whole family is cursed,we can be 'skinny' and then one of us gets knocked up we turn into massive balloons .Personally i can't see myself ballooning much more i'd probably explode or something .I'll put that on the list of Cons for Echos List Of reasons 2/OR Not2 Have A Baby Eventually ,but first things first ......i need a shorter name for that list. It's simply TOO LONG. Like ,seriously.
Next on my fabulous list Boys . Um, basically just texting my best guy . What can i say ?hes a sweetheart ,i'm pretty sure he has a girl living inside of him though .He likes major chisme(gossip) ,it'll be the death of him i'm sure of it .
That would be all in this fabulous section(sarcasim )if i had NOT opened my facebook this morning .
Then i wouldn't have found the message from my other guy friend (obviously the vast majority of my friends are guys ,lets call him J) who happenes to have been friends w/  X (best friends,yikes)
that saaaaaid that he thinks that i'm beautiful and amazing and if i'd consider going out w/ him. BEAUTIFUL ??????? boys gotta be blind !!!!!! If i asked one of my other friends in my life they'd probably say go for it since we both:
are pretty weird
have obscure music taste
are smart
get along
and enjoy intellectually stimulating conversations
     But the fact of the matter is i just don't want to ,because i just want to be on my own right know . I probably could really like him if i let myself,but this is the second time J has asked me and the second time i'd have to turn him down this summer . I really hate doing that -____- even for me its mean ,whether you can help it or not rejecting someone is never pretty. Good thing i'm an expert. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think i;m a total slut or anything or that i have like boys foaming outta my ears  ,they're just much easier to talk to than girls and this just seems to happen with ones (the WRONG ONES!) that i get into deep discussions with. Just to paint the picture ive ever only kissed one guy and not even KISS kissed him (sorry for the mental image of me liplocking ,im not into PDA).


Everones favorite section FOOD!!!!! (more sarcasim)
Mine hasn't been great ,especially with The Warden watching me so much,i go in for further tests l8er on  this month . woopee. yahoo. yaya -________-
My new menu will be greek yogurt w/ fruit (under 300) lots of water and tea and then a few stratigec bites of anything else (so The Warden will see) ,then once schools starts (monday yikes!!!)
a smoothie that i'll split for breakfast and when i come home (they're filling and i make them myself)
pack a lunch ,any lunch and then chuck it in the trash
WATER!!!
and a few bites at dinner
all of this with 2-2 1/12 hr training practices twice a day (water polo)
  If i get hungry at lunch i'll grab like ,half a pickle or a packet of hot sause (those actually work)
i need something that will keep my energised ,not coffee . I'm not allowed to drink coffee and i not allowed to drink soda w/ cafeen . Even if i wasn't ew,soda w/ cals . I'm a major health nut even the zero cal cokes freak me out .
wow sorry for the long post
bye my lovlies !!!xoxo
-echo

sorry ive been gone ,anas baaaack

i get so parinoid sometimes that someone i know will find this and think i'm crazy,trust me being a teenager soooo not an easy job. Especially when The Warden is parinoid like you wouldn't believe.

i feel so weak ,i'm eating . but i really have no choice,the warden doesn't say anything but she watches. And i look back at myself from the begining of the summer and i'm not as terrified as i was then. of food.
But my pants don't fit.
My big pants barley fit .
Someone -crazy- anyone else -more crazy- would call this all progress . That i don't flip at the sight of food ,that i don't tremble when i hold a fork . I'm eating CHEESE . CHEESE for crying out loud!!!!!!
this is so scary and i don't want to loose !!!
i feel like i'm part of a giant game and i'm always the fall guy ,im the looser!!!!!
Which is why i'm picking myself up. School starts in a week . No one can watch me . NO ONE. and everything is all me . Its my life ,its my body . I just want to dissapear. You know i thought about running away ,running far away . I don't know where i'd go ,i mean everyone always runs away to california i should be living a dream right? wrong. dead freaking wrong. its not that my actual life is this giant pit of misery ,im sure to anyone else it looks fine just fine .but i'm not normal i don't know its like i'm comletly unique from anyone else . Kill myself . now that would be fun .something quick and strange i don't care if people say that ana and mias are killing ourselves . some of us know that ,all we are is the undead,that little contradiction no food =death right? how many of u have gone days without it? many . and yet u all live . i'm just another little girl hiding in a big girls body that wants to be set free.

a weeks summary ,because i was bored and eeritated

rough day 2day ,everythings a little crazy with school so soon and everything. A girl whos in this church group with me and my sisters said a really nasty comment ,normaly i woulda slugged her or told her off straigh off the bat but it was about my Aunt . The aunt that lives with us,the aunt i always say that i can't stand 80% of the time ,the aunt that actually gets me ,the aunt that deep down i totally love.i swear i still wanna kick her ass. but im not allowed to kick ass in the house of god.
Earlier today i saw all the freshman class. yipee.woohoo. i. am.so.excited -______-
its not that im not ,truly im excited to be there (and not home surrounded by food) all day but theres this other girl (x bff ,if u read my earlier blog posts u noe what shes like) i cant stand her. just can't. i want to tell her off to ,i actually kinda did (in a classy not cussing way) but like a wuss she bolted . sissy. if u can dish dirt behind my back don't mind me telling you whats what to your face. idk but i still want to prove that im not a 'talentless fatass' even if the fatass part is true . so my freshman year goal is to loose 30lb and keep it off.
As for the boy shes friends with him and waaaay to many face book tags tell me that shes trying to dig her b*tchy little claws into him (he used to be into her) that makes me want to cheerfully squeeze her like a bug. :D <----that would b me,riiiiight there. Seriously what kind of person uses 'Totes' ?TOTES . The same one that uses toodles and tries to reanact the pretty commitie from the clique books into her real f'n life. (acording to her,i'd be dylan,notice its the 1 w/ a weight prob) . I hate this. when do they realize that you are the 1 that is totally good for them ?!?! I am damn it!
He's also sending mixed signals ,we skype and IM  a lot and stuff and i really don't like that he still totally flirts when he knows that i'm majorly crushing on him (not that i mind the actual flirting most of the time) .o well i'll end up the 30 yr old single chick thts way 2 into music ,i just noe it.


Dr's are doing a test friday ,checking out the organs and seeing if they even work. i really hate it cause when they don't work right they mess everything else up like my skin and my nails (flimsy nails and really gross acne that is JUST NOT NORMAL!!!) . I went shopping with my mom . I hate it when she yells YOU NEED A LARGE or something along those lines . Its so imbarrising . ok i get it . you have a fat daughter lets go now. I jsut hate it mostly because i know what its like when shes proud of my size , when i was slim and stylish . I'm her barbie doll ,what ever she'd wear she usually buys for me ,but she was skinny so i know deep down,even when she says that my size is fine she knows its not small or pretty. Shes my MOM for crying out loud she lied to me about being overweight practically my whole childhood! and i believed her . I  have to remember not to believe her , i'm done being the fat girl.

Sorry for the long post and for babbling so much ,guess it comes with being a teanager XP
XOXO besO's to you all!!!!let you know how it all goes w/ dr.useless
stay skinny!!

Falling off the face of the earth

Sp that can be my excuse 4 not blogging . sorry about that . A couple weeks ago before i sorta stopped my habit of blogging i went to the dr. my mom told her about the purging . Ugh they make it sound so shameful . She says it could be one of the reasons my orgns aren't working so hot ,the solution.....more meds. Yep you got it! their answer to freak'n everything!
Good news is that i am allowed to be on a liquid diet . so my strick liquid-ness starts today :P
Even better ,ive been draging my mom and sisters to the gym with me and they're all starting to like it a lot !! which me we all almost have something in common! and it gets better ,everyone doesn't feel like eating crap . I'm serious chips ,chocolate,icecream she's not buying it!!!! Now keep in mind that i was quite worried about my mother ,she was on the verge to diabeties and she was super skinny before she was married so i think this is even making all of us happier and get along (that and they're alll tired after we go) . Bad news is the the binges . I hate whining to you all but i truly can't stand myself . School starts in 15 days and i feel like a failure. Orientation is in2 days!!!!!!!!!!! and i look like a big fat load of crap! if this year is going to be some shitty repeat of the last year and a half god take me now! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR i wish i was strong like all of you .
xoxoxo