sorry ive been gone ,anas baaaack

i get so parinoid sometimes that someone i know will find this and think i'm crazy,trust me being a teenager soooo not an easy job. Especially when The Warden is parinoid like you wouldn't believe.

i feel so weak ,i'm eating . but i really have no choice,the warden doesn't say anything but she watches. And i look back at myself from the begining of the summer and i'm not as terrified as i was then. of food.
But my pants don't fit.
My big pants barley fit .
Someone -crazy- anyone else -more crazy- would call this all progress . That i don't flip at the sight of food ,that i don't tremble when i hold a fork . I'm eating CHEESE . CHEESE for crying out loud!!!!!!
this is so scary and i don't want to loose !!!
i feel like i'm part of a giant game and i'm always the fall guy ,im the looser!!!!!
Which is why i'm picking myself up. School starts in a week . No one can watch me . NO ONE. and everything is all me . Its my life ,its my body . I just want to dissapear. You know i thought about running away ,running far away . I don't know where i'd go ,i mean everyone always runs away to california i should be living a dream right? wrong. dead freaking wrong. its not that my actual life is this giant pit of misery ,im sure to anyone else it looks fine just fine .but i'm not normal i don't know its like i'm comletly unique from anyone else . Kill myself . now that would be fun .something quick and strange i don't care if people say that ana and mias are killing ourselves . some of us know that ,all we are is the undead,that little contradiction no food =death right? how many of u have gone days without it? many . and yet u all live . i'm just another little girl hiding in a big girls body that wants to be set free.