J vs. Ana

I love ANA Athletica &Anna
she molded me
she was my friend
she is my constant companion
and she loves me
when i obey
when i do as she pleases
without
my say
she takes my life
and makes it hers
brings me down
low enough
so
i
can't
see the sky
and the hope
that my fly above
is she really my companion ?
i still wonder
J is here
she understands
only she never loved
'Ana'
as i do
hated her
as i do
loved the bones
i never got to see all the bones
do i love J more than 'Ana'?
enough that I'm trying
trying
trying
eating
like a fatass
risking
my sanity
for her
loosing
my companion
for her
fat ass
fat ass
worthless piece of shit
i balance for J
i still swell
because the sickness
has not left my organs
nor do i think
they ever will
why do I
go on?
12
14
17
asprins?
is that enough
to end this ?
to free me
of my pain
of my thoughts
of this body
so far
from what it should be?
this prison
i was born into
for J
the way she supports me
I'm not sure i can do it
my sanity
my bones
hiding
deeper
and deeper
under the fat
fat ass
fat
akward
worthless
crap