forever nothing

it'd be so much easier to die
so i wouldn't have to fake anything ever again
but i don't want to be one more girl that died
in the paper
on the news
'so young'
'so full of hope'
'a waste'
more like a relief
from everything
but i can't
i cant be
just one more girl
that stabs herself
one more that goes missing
that overdoses
because that leaves me as a forever nothing
nothing
but rotting in the ground
to be forgotten
by everyone

on my way to thin

you now your doing well when the shorts that havent fit in over 8 monthes vip up
now time to fit int the dress

whatever u call it

i really have no choice anymore
i couldn't eat till i got home today and i still hid some ,spit some and purged most of it
and then i did squats and high legs and i had a water polo scrimmage and dance class today (to give u an idea of what i burned) .
i couldn't find anything ok to eat
i couldn't find anything low enough in calories
something that i could keep down
and i can't control it
i'm not anorexic
i don't make the qualifications
i used too (make them ana athletica)
i have never been officially dignosed
i am not thin enough
my hands twitched all of today
my leg bounced
the food came up
but im still bloated
from the purging

all i know for sure is
'ana'
ana
the little voice
my companion
my self control
is here to stay
call me trigger happy,its better than fat and depressed (ive been watching lotsa thinspo ,n ana documentaries they help)
all i know though
is that i want to loose weight

My uncle ;events of tonight and the past 4 years

how come
u never
came for me
wrote to me
called me
i thought you wanted me
abandoned me
betray me

i spat
at your name
the image
of everything
they said you did
but i longed
for you to take me away
from my fallen paridise
take your favorite with you
your favorite
i only found out what you did
a year ago
they kept it
trying to keep me a child
innocent
and unaffected
oblivious to my pain
for 3 years
now its been four
and i still cry

and ive finally texted you
3 monthes ago
to descover
you
didn't mean to
abandon me
leave me
hurt me
that you
still love me
wish me well
and miss me
still
why would't you take me away

you have no claim
of blood too me
sure
is it because i remind you of her
too much
is that why you couldn't look at me
but you would love me more
than your own baby (if you had one)
they tell me
and now
as i'm talking to you
through our scyber line
texting
the words
so rationally irrational
in black and white
i'm
angry
happy
sad
betray
curious
distant

and think to myself
this is what happens
when you make a mistake
that you can't take back
this is what happens
when your so far from perfect

and we plan to see eachother soon
for the first time
in over 4 years

GirlWithMyName

Edex has a new girl . I honestly wouldn't care if she didn't have my name -___-
hes such a retard.
AND i'm prettier than her (and i dnt thnk im prettier than hardly anyone). My face is for sure prettier. Of course she never went phyco on him either......
Its not that i'm into him it's that i h8 what ana did to me, she made me push him away. I guess it was for the best though,ana always knows best but i wonder what would happen if i went:'hey! remember how you always asked me why i didn't eat at lunch?well its because i didn't and i didn't eat breakfast either and i worked off dinner too! i have freaking ana and mia tendancies and no one ever noticed!

that would sure go over well-__-
its ok because my mom always taught me to share my old toys with the less fortunate when i'm done with them. I hope this girl with my name enjoys the taste of my lemonade lip gloss.

this is so trigger-licious for me i love it ,
i can always win i can be tinny and prettier and perfect
just because no one thinks i can

Lolipops,finding ground

responces
skinnygirl -yes i also wear a lot of black!!!! <3

///////////////////
  My net should be around 200-300
i had 2 lolipops (60 cal each)
1 peanut butter cup (2 avoid suspicion)
greek yogurt 140
a few sips of coconut water ,some eggpant and a couple pretzels (i pick at food so cals are unknown)
my net SHOULD be around there. I think i'm doing better already the lolipops seem to keep me full for the most part and energized (i just have to drink lots of water so i don't break out) . I'm officially addicted to water polo !!!! its AWESOME and i should be burning like crazy next week because we have a tournement but i don't want to jinx it. Especially since i'm going to a slumber party (!!). It sounds lame but i've never been to a real slumber party before. I don't know why i just never have.
Hung out with some guys i know today,its much easier than the girls,they try to hard. Me,i try to remember i don't give a shit about what they think, its so pathetic when they go around trying to be all rebellious and talk about weed and being wasted and shit. All i can say to any of them is Sweetie pull up that top NO one!wants to see that. Girls can be dumb,just like everyone else.

xoxo  i promise to catch up on all your blogs l8r

-Echo

hello my fabulous followers :)
today i got the lolli pops so that starts ASAP
water polo is going ok ,my tum feels smaller but i don't feel any faster or stronger :(

intake:
cup of orange juice
bag of glutin free pretzles
and dinner

work out :
walking EVERYWHERE
dance class
water polo practice
shaking my leg all day

ive got so much work 2 do so i'll catch u all up soon, not looking forward to tomorrow though. We scrimage with the boys (boys in speedos should be illigal ) .

I miss my old friends,everything is changing.I keep being acussed of my 'style' changing. Now that i think about it i guess my style IS change.
I smile and i play around on the outside but on the inside i'm just like this girl from my english class,silent   and deep in thought. I'm in my own world,i just wish i could stay there.

xoxo
please comment! for real fab people keep me sane !!!!
-echo