whatever u call it

i really have no choice anymore
i couldn't eat till i got home today and i still hid some ,spit some and purged most of it
and then i did squats and high legs and i had a water polo scrimmage and dance class today (to give u an idea of what i burned) .
i couldn't find anything ok to eat
i couldn't find anything low enough in calories
something that i could keep down
and i can't control it
i'm not anorexic
i don't make the qualifications
i used too (make them ana athletica)
i have never been officially dignosed
i am not thin enough
my hands twitched all of today
my leg bounced
the food came up
but im still bloated
from the purging

all i know for sure is
'ana'
ana
the little voice
my companion
my self control
is here to stay
call me trigger happy,its better than fat and depressed (ive been watching lotsa thinspo ,n ana documentaries they help)
all i know though
is that i want to loose weight