So i'd just like to say first (even though its pretty lame and everyone does this) that i now have 15 followers !! Clap clap! and i love every one of u . seriously i'm not just saying that ,its cool to know people actually read this (and are even in the same city as me!) so thank you ,you are appreciated more than you know.
I'm thinking a lot . Probably more than I should. I'm trying to remember a time when i didn't care how i looked. Honestly i can't really think of one,i mean i cut a hunk out of my eyebrows in the first grade because i thought they were to big and ugly! So this has probably been going on for a while. It's weird though there was a time when i was fat(er) and happy (?) maybe.
Sigh ,the rents make me eat :/ they do and its gross because i don't want their food. I DON'T i don't want it in me . I just really really don't . I'm getting hungry but that doesn't mean i'm going to eat. NO.
I've eaten way to much today ,really i have. I'm grossing myself out and it's making me crazy!
And yet sometimes i want it all to be over and i want to recover and be normal.
Maybe i should take therapy .
My mom might make me anyways (if she hasn't forgotten about me) .
I just want to loose a bit of weight though .
Just 40 pounds or so that leave me at about 99lb which sounds good .
I look yoga today ,i love yoga it really calms me and relaxes me (and it's a good workout 2).
Sometimes i wonder if i'm not looking for skinny,maybe i'm just looking for someone to love me and understand me and not let me go ,like everyone else has .
Lol, I think way too much for my own good.
ReplyDeleteIt is all right. :)
You may very well just be looking for someone to love and understand you.
I know I was.
And when you find that person, it motivates you to be the best you can be.
Not just for that person's sake, but for your own.
Have a great day today; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3
You mother hasn't forgotten about you and it's a good thing she cares about you enough to maybe force you into therapy. It's not as bad as it sounds, I've done it...it's actually nice to sit and talk to someone. No one can force you into recovery if you personally don't want it, but...a normal life sound soooo nice to have. I want it.
ReplyDeleteHaha, true, I was happier as well when I didn't stress over food ... Why is it so hard to understand that equation?
Have a good weekend. :)
Ahh, I think about the same things. I always thought that I was happier and had more self-esteem when I was skinnier in high school, then I read through all my old journals and saw that I was just as weight and food-obsessed as I am now.
ReplyDeleteHopefully we'll all someday reach a point when we're truly happy with who we are and not have to worry about weight and food and calories and all this crap that bogs us down on a day to day basis.