I can honestly say that this is one of those moments where I could lob off that dumb doctors head. I want to restrict so friggin bad its not even funny, I've wanted to this weeks and I hate thinking about all the pounds i could have lost meanwhile I still look to damn fat.
I just have to be pacient. Thats all it takes. Swim starts at the end of January and the Warden goes back to work soon(finally!!!).
Of course it isn't only about the weight I just feel so sad theres no other term for it. I don't like being near anyone in my emidiate family, I don't want to eat, I'd very much rather die. Can't they see that they are just prolonging my life till I leave?
I want to die. And I admit it.
Die or leave.
I know I'm just fourteen and I have nowhere to go but I can't wait to get outta here forever. I'm almost possitive I won't come back sometimes.
I hate myself for hating everyone but i can't help it, who do they think they are?!
My mom cannot help me get healthy,shes the reason I'm like this! And shes on the edge of diabedies herself so obviously she's not even helping herself,my dad had a big o'l belly from eating forty million cookies and chocolates and my little sister is all bones and head. I feel bad for hating her sometimes, because she does love me but I don't go anywhere near her. Shes all legs and all bones,perfect skin the only thing thats a bit odd is her poofy hair but with the scene-esque haircut it looks great. 4 more inches and she can officially model its sickening because all she wants to do is play computer games.

long-ass post sorry