LOL Miss SkinnyNinny is right :p
the Ex and i have addmitted said feelings to eachother
we're hanging out this weekend with some old friends it should be interesting
hes sorta a trigger
hes tall and lanky and kinda perfect
i was short and smaller (im looking @ the pics and the closes i was kinda tiny)
im 136!!
whoohoo!!
gonna try and be 131 by friday
i put on mucele so i dont mind to much but i want to be tiny
i want people to ask me how i do it it and be jealous :p
im kinda happy right now

he makes me happy
even if we're just friends , hes always been one of my best friends
ok im in full out cheesy mode im not gonna annoy anyone else tonight
xxx
good luck lovlies ! wish me the same !

baby im the gun and your my trigger <3

on my way to skinny
my grandma stopped by and she kept telling me how thin i'm getting
im not seeing all the results i want yet but im just starting i guess :/ i wish it would happen faster
but better slow thn never


the warden (my mom) is being evil again
whatever
like i care
im tempted to chop of my hair and color it ever color i can afford to buy just to piss her off
what can she do once its done?
nothing thats what
but no
ill save that for another day for after im skinny and can pull off anything.
Been talking to the Ex its flirty friendly ,more friendly than flirty really. he thinks im cute,and pretty
he never called me that b4 .
i guess we're both just different people now...not that either one of us minds

honestly its never the boy that disappoints me
its the girl that i think i know

Skinny bitches

just because
ur naturally thin
u get what u want?
even if u have
an ugly face
and crappy-poser style
ur bod is fine
u get whatever the hell u want?

u steal the freak'n dancer wings that are MINE
my THING
MINE
MINE
MINE MINE MINE
even ur descusting beer belly
is smaller than my stomach
YOU guzzle and u smoke shit
and u pretend to dance
a dance
that i feel is sacred
u don't give a shit about music
ur draped around him
i know ur still looking at her
because u looked at me like that
i'm 90% sure
skinny bitch
u don't give a damn about him
poor guy

maybe im just bitter
one of us can still pretend we're perfect

i remebember the day i ate a whole cake. and threw the whole thing up

what do u do when the only thing you know is self hate?......

feel that earthquake? that'd be me

i feel like an idiot for having feelings for a guy who was just messing with me and i didn't realize it. I feel freak'n stupid!!!
i feel dumb for having a the same crush as my skinny best friend
they're going to be so cute together watch

and i am just going to be be that fat pimply girl with the glasses on the sideline once again

n now i don't feel anything except the desire to die

stats , why am i not loosing any weight!?!?!?!?

exersize-2-3 hours a day
food-500 + a day :(
hight-5'3
last recorded weight -140 lb
lowest recorded weight -115.6
highest recorded weight-148
current weight unknown
current fear of food-(10 high 1 low) 7
purging- 1-2 times a day

i like it when i lye on my back and my ribs stick out and how my friends in my dance class think its creepy. I do so well with beggining my diets everyday i don't eat till about 6 o'clovk when the fam comes and then i eat like a mad person . And i h8 myself. I purged up a whole sandwich,two bananas and a handful of pistachioes and took 3 dulcolaxes
and then i kept down some other stuff and i'm driving myself mad because i don't wNT ANYTHING IN ME ANd iwant to die and kill myself and i hate evrything about me. And i like feeling hungry and yea i just h8 that.
i wanT my muffin top gone and i want the swelling to stop and i need to be thin.


I got asked out (via facebook) by a guy i know. Total player i said no,it would have been nice to have a bf and wear his football jersey and all that cheesy shit but i just can't bring myself to be around people often.

i want to wake up,slip off my night clothes,look in the mirror and be ok with the girl looking back at me

almost home

blue tape
marks the lines of the tiny stage
in the Black box
the last three counts
forein
the pop music
feels comfortable
like an old pair of sweats
cross legged on the dance floor
a painful stretch
beautiful
everything is comfortable
till people start
to look at me
i can only dance
in the dark
a moth
graceful and light
in the black of night
behind sealed walls
Up again
comfortable again
to twist
and shake
without being accused of trying to be
sexy
when all i ask is beautiful
i'm different
but a dance room

almost feels like home again

balaaaaablaaabllaaaaaaaa XO

i saw my Twin yesterday,hes my best friend from nerd-camp XP
 He's like a hardcore punk ,i totally love that. I love being surrounded by little freaks like me. He's always saying he wants me 2 hook up with his band and write for them or something,totally tempting.
They need a bass player. I don't play bass but he said he'd teach me the cords if i can get my hands on a bass,i told him to give me a call.
Strangly enough the Warden is always telling me to join a band as a singer,she doesn't get that it doesn't work that way. Funny,she wants me to get all the remwards without doing any of the work,like i don't know.....ACTUALLY LEARNING TO WRITE ACTUAL MUSIC.
Sux
But hey i needed to see my twin.Everyone else is stupid. Stupid and totally over emotional. The only thing that gets me really emotional is food,i have descoverd this week that i am an Emotional Eater. And this has to stop if i want to keep dropping weight. I have to drop weight for the sake of soccer season. And i want to look great.

I prefer being alone these days,but i think i should reconect with one of my old aquantances and her friend. Shes a sweet girl,not some crazed attention whore. And her friend is a silent mystery,she reminds me of my cousin for some reasoon. They look nothing alike.

xoxo to anyone who still actually reads my boring blog
p.s im gonna post some picks soon