my friend lost ten pounds doing the no sugar thing so i'm going to try that and then i'm going to also cut out butter and food , its game time ladies and i'm feeling the pressure

dance show next week ,the boy wants to come i really don't want him to see me dance till i feel like i'm amazing
xoxoxo

1st or nothing

took second in swimming for JVgirls butterfly
Im sorta proud of myself
now to get that layer of fat thats covering my abbs so ppl can see my fabulous musceles and take FIRST.

Second place is still loosing, second is still NOT FIRST. It's still good though.


My parents gave me that mentality a bit, my dad never really says I do a good job for anything
I just need to work harder,train more,be better
Be THE BEST

Every dance show my mom ; smile more
more energy
that was good but... and on to the next show....

I guess I'm just an attention deffisit b8tch
I need center stage, but I can't fall on my ass or I'm dead.

The Cycle of Bulimia

Sicentists  and doctors alway call it a cycle of binging and purging but to me its a lot more than just binging and purging. Initially I would say that i would have been more closely associated with anorexia because at the hight of my ED i was excersizing 3-4 hours a day and mainting 3,4,5,8 hundred calories if even that
i was almost at 100 pounds...sigh the memories of being on top of the world and not feeling you were gonna squash it.

I'm really actually quite frantic because I feel like 'recovery' has broken my cycle in a very bad way, i don't purge but i BING AND BING AND BING.
I can'r consentrate ,sleep anything its crazy




List of things im too scared/ to do w/ confidence

Sex- um ya too fat its a major ew

dancing- i dance but its hard,i feel like a hipo

tight clothes- well duh its a no

just walking around

being touched- anywhere a hug a tap anything

eating in public-im scared,id rather eat in a stall


im fat im ugly im usless i want to die