i dont need all that food.
i just don't
it only causes problems
yelling
havok over money
and time
it leaves me with a layer of fat


im starting a new diet tomorrow. wish me luck

What the Hell

what the hell
why would we do this to ourselves
why does our country make us fat
and then make us feel bad?
because its 'our fault'
not ours
yours
yours for selling cheep fatty food
for torturing animals
ever eat anything organic?
a few bites im full
eat out? a few plates im full
this is crap
crap
im 15 and why do i care
why SHOULD i care
I should care
about my family
my friends
my sport
college even
But im hung up
hung up on the fat that hangs off of me
5 years old
no fat on me
so why now
why am i fat
am i fat?
fat compared to what? and who and why the hell do i care??
I just do
And that, is enough to self inflict myself with torture
to love it
and to be afraid of the world around me
to feel like i am constantly drowning without my precious rules

I just can't help but care.

kinda wanna post a picture of myself but im afraid someone will find this blog. itd pretty much shatter my whole family.  i'll think about it

the truth of the matter

the truth of the matter
is i loved
what we had
till i felt like
it went bad
u called
i came
in our secret place

the truth of the matter is
you made me feel dirty
your love
seemed to blow away
the moment you'd come by
I wasnt sure
i was'nt used to
being needed
being wanted
being counted on
that took me over the edge

the truth of the matter is
i left
you said dont go
you let me pass you by
and you never came
i left
you didn't do
what either of would have thought you'd do

the truth of the matter is
i need someone
anyone
to constantly care
to be there
the truth is he's not you
no
no
nope
not the eyes or the lips that had a sweet truth
just for me
but something is better than nothing
especially since you won't come back to
this
and i'm not sure i would either

when your own mother pretty much calls u an abusive bitch.
i wonder how i go this way mom?? cant wait to leave home when i turn 18 .

Mia likes Sex

My shrink told me that purging physically makes me happy. Like sex. Which is probably why sex sounds really good all the time (even though I've never had it and i'd probably get pregnate on the first go because us latinos are just baby machiens like fo reals), because I haven't purged. I feel like such a whore. A dirty fat slutty whore.
I'm dating my best friend, but I'm not over my ex. I love him still. And now I feel like I screwed up big time. I'm not sure if I'm with him because I want to be kissed and touched or if because I was lonley. He's nice to me, and he's always willing to talk, thats probably why I did that. I almost gave IT to my ex, pretty glad I didn't. As stupid and girlish as it sounds and I cant even believe I'm saying it out loud I want him back and I don't know what or how I can make it happen.
I guess like he'd say, only time will tell.