Tell Him ? Tell them ?nobodys here

Sometimes I just feel like yelling through the roofs "I have anorexia, i have an ED! , hate myself , i want to KILL MYSELF i hate life and i hate myself let me die!' but i don't . I can't . I want HIM to know . the one that i (i dare say it) fell in love with. I want him to know why i never came,why i never wanted to meet him those first two weeks of summer and that it wasn't that we were different or that i didn't not love him but because i was sick. My body attacked itself (i still hate it for that) and made me gain 20lb (only gttn off about 9 of those :/ but i'm healthier) i want them to know that annabel has me and she's making me the bitch i don't want to be,and that i'm afraid. But does anyone care? what do i expect anyways? for him to feel sorry for me (unlikely) ? to take me and hold me and want me (even more unlikely)? sigh. I'm afraid. Screw recovery i purged twice today . I swear my mom and aunt are plotting carrot cake AND potato pancakes in the same day? (its ok though i purged most of it ) . I call myself Echo Cruz I am 14 years old and i match all the symptoms of bulimia anorexia nervosa ,anorexia athletica (and i think my 'recovery' from the last might have caused COE that is now mostly under control) i was 147 lb in the f5th grade and after a grospurt and everything 7th i was 119 and going down . now i am 133 i am nobody.